What are the key mixtures for a successful relationship? Let me start with any relationship you are in can be successful for what you need to learn from them, unfortunately not all relationships are meant for the long haul. Luckily, we do not need to stay in a marriage or relationship that is unfulfilling, controlling, or abusive. We do have choices every day in how we attract, participate in, and maintain a relationship for better or for worse.
I truly believe that every relationship you choose is a mirror of where you are in your life and the lessons you need to learn for growth. For example, if you pick a partner that is very controlling the lesson may be to learn how to stand up for yourself and set boundaries. Or ask yourself the questions: why do I allow others to control me? How do I give my power away? What about the control from my partner do I mistaken for love? Can I also be controlling but maybe in other areas of my life? Maybe I need to look at how control has played out in my upbringing. Maybe my dad was controlling of my mom so I'm comfortable in this environment it's what I know. The fact of the matter is our parents relationships are our models for what partnership should look like and we tend to recreate those dynamics unconsciously until we are aware of what we are doing because its comfortable.
Being in a relationships by no means is an easy task or guarantee of forever. Relationships are hard work, constant compromise, and communicating what we need and want with clarity. The struggles with finding the "right" person for you or maintaining a long term relationship will take self evaluation of your short comings, bad habits, your value of yourself, past conditioning, and how well you communicate your needs and wants to others. The most important thing of all is presenting who you are, not who you think they want you to be. Don't you want someone to love you for you, not the image you created for them? You will never be able to be happy if you do that, and when the person discovers this deception they will not be happy either.
The first step to creating successful relationships is looking at what you bring to a relationship? What are your strengths in partnerships? How do you add value to someone's life? How are you the person you want to attract?
Second step is to look back to your parents dynamics and write down the things that you like in your parents relationship and what do you not want to repeat? Maybe even take it a step further and look at your grandparents relationships too and see if there is a thread of generational behavior going on like affairs, alcoholism, controls, drugs, sexual abuse, secrets, etc. This can be a painful process to see things for how they really may have been and if you can talk with your parents you may find some enlightening information you did not know.
Third step you may need to identify why things ending in past relationships you may see a string of similarities between them, but remember you are the common denominator of all your relationships. Take responsibility for your part in all your relationships and why they ended. Stop the blame game. Identify what needs to change from you to bring forth a relationship that fits what you need and want.
I think the most important part of a relationship thriving for the long haul is friendship. You have to really like the person you are with and to be able to communicate, laugh, share, and have each others backs. Because as you go on in years and the zing comes and goes when you look over at the person you are with do you smile and think "I'm with them!"